oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
