I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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