Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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