Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
