I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
