my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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