i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
