someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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