On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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