It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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