no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
