I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
