Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Houston, we have a blender
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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