please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
