I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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