I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
