U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
