too bad you live with your parents still
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
