i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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