i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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