Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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