He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Randomize
