In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
