I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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