I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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