So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
