I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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