My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
is it fun? or sober?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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