i think i have herpe
just one?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
