Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
