News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
