If that was your dad, he is hot
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
