and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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