we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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