So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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