Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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