It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize