Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
