Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
