Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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