I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize