batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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