Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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