It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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