When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
