No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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