a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
