Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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