i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
