It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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