if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
