We're facebook friends in real life
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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