best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
