I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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