I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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