Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
