just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.