it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
