Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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