enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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