who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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