May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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