We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
