Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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