Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
