mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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