Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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