She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
