Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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