a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
